You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
