I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think my tv is drunk
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
