How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Randomize
