Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
