You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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