I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
