allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
