Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
