Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
