my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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