dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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