he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
