Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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