well most of my day revolves around power hour
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
