when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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