I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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