u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
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