her vagine was all disorganized.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
