I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
