are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Randomize
