All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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