I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
