You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
two words...techno handjob
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
