omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
We had to coat check the pizza.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
