My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
tonight lets celebrate not being married
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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