about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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