Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
