yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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