You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
