SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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