She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
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