if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
