Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Randomize
