I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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