i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Found your dick twin last night
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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