I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
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