Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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