so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
