when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
