My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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