oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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