Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
