youre lurking in front of me
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
