haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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