I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
