i wish peter jackson would direct porn
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
