biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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