i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
