Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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