you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
