i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
