wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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