My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
