We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
