I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize