I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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