I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm always down for nudity.
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