I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
