So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
