i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
