it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
