She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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