Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
