i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
