the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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