You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
