My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I met the friendliest cop last night
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
