to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
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