Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
i think my cat just said my name.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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