And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
