just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
