Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
