NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
