Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
