just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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