I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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