What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
