she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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