Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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