she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
