I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
