What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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