what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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