I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
