I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
