Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize