well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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