the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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