well I can't set my house on fire every night
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
