I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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